I used to be more obsessed(?) over my T. I talked to her in my mind constantly, looked at her webistes and picture, re-read all her emails. I still do those things, but only when I'm struggling.

What reduced the intensity for me was talking to her about my attachment. That was a painful and embarrassing session, but it needed to happen. I felt like my attachment was getting in the way. I was constantly pushing her away so that I didn't give into the neediness. She recognized this and was getting frustrated. So it had to be discussed. I'll be honest, I don't remember much of the conversation. Sadly, I remember the last question I asked her which she dodged.

The interesting thing is that I feared she would push me away, "punish" me, or have stricter boundaries because I opened up about the attachment. Instead, it seems like she is even more supportive when I'm struggling. She has offered her favorite book to borrow when I go to group so I have a part of her with me. She has allowed me to email more. She has also offered more check-ins and to talk to other people to help solve some of my issues. I think me being open allowed her to trust me more. She understood that I didn't like the attachment, and in my mind I was trying to control it by pushing her away.

I also discovered that I wasn't allowing her to do her job. I was setting boundaries for her. I felt like if I "cried wolf" too many times, she would think I'm attention seeking or taking advantage of her. But really all I was doing was building a huge wall btwn her and I...the exact opposite of what I wanted. She explained to me that neither pushing her away or being clingy to her was healthy. Finding a balance btwn the two is what's healthy. I have needs and feelings, and have a right to express them...especially to her. She is supposed to be the safe person in my life who I can say anything to.

I'm still very attached to her. I still feel needy at times and other times I want to push her away. I do my best to fight both. I try to ask her for things that she can do to meet my needs (i.e. check-ins). It's definitely difficult. But, at least for me, I have to learn to work through this / cope with this. This is a core issue for me. If I run away or push her away, I will never learn how to have healthy relationships. But the emotions that come with the attachment...those suck!