Thanks for your replies. I feel almost worse since I found my girlfriend. Not because I don't enjoy her, but because I feel incredibly guilty when I'm depressed and it makes her depressed. It's almost more pain than before being alone, but then again without her I wouldn't be here. Although I still wish I was never born, I think she deserves a better man, someone who is confident and knows what they want in life.

I have tried therapy with a lot of different therapists and never found one I like. In the end, I have found going to therapy to be more of a burden than helpful. I don't live in the city anymore, so there would be 1. The really long drive, 2. My insurance sucks so it would cost a fortune and 3. I'm not good at therapy because I'm so shy. It just isn't helpful to me at all.

I have tried so many psych drugs, wayyy too many to list. I'm currently on Effexxor (sp?) max dosage, and my mood is swinging like a monkey on a vine. Overall I would say drugs aren't worth it at all. The Effexxor is the first drug that I actually *thought* was starting to make a difference with my mood, but now I can't tell at all. I'm still extremely depressed with no relief in sight.

My job is going to crap, its forced slave labor requiring me to work 10 hour regular days M-F plus both Weekend days 8 hours. I'm really losing my f-ing mind. The hope of finding another job is slim to nothing, on top of that my girlfriend just quit her job because she kept getting robbed (manager of a pawn shop in the slums) on a daily basis. I live in AZ, so it is a giant sh*thole place with slums and ghettos everywhere. Need to carry a gun at all times but I don't have one.