I've had an eating disorder for 9 years. It first manifested as anorexia, and I've relapsed probably 5 times, each time with anorexic behaviours without the extremely low weight that I had the first time (though each relapse includes massive weight loss, just not to the point of being extremely underweight).

I'm currently in my worst relapse since the very first time. I've lost a large amount of weight, am at a lower weight than I've ever been except for the first time. I am still within "healthy" range, though with the things I've been doing I can't imagine I'm actually "healthy".

I've been referred to an outpatient program by my psychiatrist, but it might take months to get in there. Maybe I'll feel better once the assessments and intake start, but as of right now, I feel like I can't go on with this eating disorder, but there's no immediate treatment available either.

I'm going to try online things, like online OA chats and phone conference calls. A friend encouraged me to try an in person OA meeting and I might do that on Monday, but anxiety keeps me away from those sorts of things too.

I just don't know how to hold on until treatment comes through.