Secret said:

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I do not know if this is so that I can connect more in my therapy and put the pieces back together or what is going on but I kinda feel rather lost... not grounded.
...am going in different directions... like to the gym more but I feel kind of lost.

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Secret,

Pema Chodron calls this meeting the fear, standing on the precipice and facing the groundlessness. She says it is the only way to know our true selves. Yes we will feel lost when we are stripped of all our defenses wich it sounds like you are doing. It really sounds like you are doing the hard work of facing your fears and taking the plunge into the icy, cold, unnown waters.

So, it appears that there is no room right now for this other friendship, because you have work to do. My only question is, does it have to end forever? Hmmmm I suppose that depends on the nature of the friendship. If this friend is too demanding/needy of your time then I suppose it must end forever. I have a friend who I don't talk to for months on end (and sometimes it has been nearly a year.) But neither of us places demands on the other and so the friendship can be picked up again as needed or desired.

The groundlessness is the hardest part, I think. Although I am not ther right now, I do belive it is groundlessness that I face when I notice my dissociation as it is happening, and the trauma of its genesis. Staying in that moment is groundless and fearful.

I think your hard work will pay off...stay the course, if that feels right to you.