Addiction? I think you need to take that up with some one in the field. You could also be BP like me, and self medicating yourself. I know I did for years. Something is going on, and get some help. There is nothing to be ashamed of because there are so many like us, and some never seek help which is a big mistake. If you go through life thinking there could be something wrong, but never seek help, that's a shame for sure.