Thanks Willowbrook, it sounds like your pdoc is really good at what he does, and a great match for you. It sounds awesome, honestly! I've talked a little about my problems with therapy, but it's getting to the point that he worries I'm being too "meta" (too much talking about therapy, not enough about real life) and he doesn't think that's helpful for me, although he lets me if I need to. I don't know, honestly, that's part of the problem. I don't know how much is just me... I've got crappy attachment issues (apparently) and I can't really keep a feeling of connection between sessions. It sort of seems like I go through this every week... things seem ok in session, then after a day or so, I just don't feel any connection and am ready to quit

Thanks LicketySplit. That's interesting, and I've heard others say the same thing... that you felt comfortable from the first session. I don't think I've ever experienced that with a therapist. Do you mind if I ask how you found this one? Was it luck, or a referral, or something else?

Thanks ~Christina - funny that you say that therapy is tough, and your T doesn't coddle you. Sounds a bit like my T (though I think he might go a bit easier on me than some of his other clients).

Thanks Stopdog, it's interesting to see how you get value from therapy, even without the expectation (or desire for) empathy/understanding.

Thanks Petra5ed! That's awesome, it sounds like you do get a lot out of the relationship, even if it doesn't feel goal-oriented or easy to understand. Maybe I'm just too... you know, I want things to be organized. I want to feel like we're actively working on something. My T is a bit expensive, so I don't want to feel like we're just wasting time being random . But I think it's more than that... what I hear from you, and others, is that you enjoy talking to your T - you feel good when you talk to your T - you probably look forward to it? I don't feel like that, and I am wishing I did! And, I'm not sure how to tell if it's just me... if it's always going to be like that with any T, and that's just part of what I'm bringing with me, or if it's still not the right fit, or if there's something specific that this T could do to help?

Hankster... hmmm. I'm sorry, I really, honestly don't know? I don't feel like I'm purposefully hiding anything, but I don't know? I've seen a ton of Ts in the past, but never really got the "click" thing or found them helpful - and was bounced around between a few Ts who didn't want to deal with me. But, I don't think that's what you mean? I'm thinking... but coming up blank on this one... thanks for getting me to think about it though... if it really is something simple/obvious inside me then I sure wish I could see it!!!

Wow, Artemis-Within - that's very beautiful! Thanks for sharing it!

Pbutton, thanks... maybe that's it for me too? It's so hard though! It's so expensive, and I see everyone else who loves their therapists, feels connected, and wants to talk to them when they're sad/hurt. And, I just don't feel that way. I thought that the therapist would be good when I fell, since I had a lot of painful stuff happen around that and nobody I could call to talk to, but it didn't seem like he really understood when I tried talking about it, so I walked out feeling worse and like he didn't really see me

RamblinClementine - Thanks, it sounds like your therapist is good at providing support to you, and that sounds really nice!

ScarletPimpernel - Thanks, it was helpful... I guess the problem is that nobody else can come along and tell me "yeah, he's perfect for you - this is just all your crappy attachment stuff, keep going!" or "no, it's a bad match... you need to just end it now." I feel totally stuck trying to figure it out. Like I said, if he were just 100% awful, it would be so much easier . And, to make it worse, I have no clue what I really need here... Thanks for sharing how therapy is helping you though, it's interesting to see how different people approach it differently (and get different things from it) and thanks for the tip about thinking about my other relationships.

Simmering - wow, I am so sorry that you went through all that I hope you can find a good, trustworthy person to help!

Thanks Mastodon... that sounds hard, but worthwhile and do-able. I think my T wants to be empathic, I think he sees himself as empathic... and I don't know if I'm not getting it because of *me* or because of *us* (as in my issues that I need to figure out, versus a bad fit between me and T).

Red75 - that's great that you get all those things from therapy, with none of the bad parts! I don't know that he's disengaged or tired... I just, don't know why it's not working It's really hard to separate out if it's just me and my issues... but maybe that doesn't matter, it's sort of frustrating that therapy seems to be making me feel worse... rather than feeling better/heard/understood - thanks

Thanks MagicalPrince - that's a good point. My T is so expensive though, I kind of feel like I need to feel good about it, otherwise, why spend all that money. You know what I mean? If he were a lot cheaper, I think it would be easier to just relax a bit and go with the process, or just enjoy having a chance to go talk to someone every week. But it's so much, it's the biggest thing in my budget.

Thanks everyone alot to think about...