How am I supposed to move on when im consumed with these obsessive thoughts. I recently turned twenty. Im male. Im around 5'9. Wish i was taller. Ive been told by many that I am very attractive. But than, who hasn't? These compliments are simply Something you say in a social situation. I grew up being told i was a "hearthrob, adorable, a player etc." but now i have self realized that im simply average. Nothing about my face or body stands out as above average. Its heartbreaking at this late age realizing that something that you held so dear, such as being very attractive, was not even there to begin with. A quality i clung to that was simply imaginery. When i look ads or movie posters, such as Fifty Shades of Grey, I see a tall and handsome man with a perfect face. He is loved for this. And could have anyone he ever wanted. He is whole.

When I was younger, i had to flush the toilet 15 times, turn the lights on and off 20 times, and check to make sure the stove was off 10 times. Otherwise anxiety would take over. I have lost these OCD habits. But the obsessive thoughts continue. Every. Single. Second. If i were taller, more attractive, i would be whole. Complete.