They say that avpd is both nature and nurture; partly a predisposition for it, but you need a trigger to start it up. Of course, they don't know anything about why you might be predisposed for it. I think I might have stumbled upon something.

Okay, let me back up a bit. They say again (eesh, they, lol) that memories are made up of neural pathways in the brain. Like highways that thoughts run along. We build and adjust and rebuild them all the time.

My theory is, that for avoidant people, the neural pathways are deeper and stickier than they are for other people. Because they are so deep and sticky, we can't rebuild and scrap what was there before, we can only add. We can't forget, even if the conscious memory is gone, it's still there underneath everything.

For example, you might meet someone and think they are delightful. However, you get to know them and it turns out they aren't so nice. Unavoidant people would be like, okay, I gave you 3 chances, I'm out of here.

But avoidant people can't forget how they were when they first met. You could have 186 incidences of the person being horrible, or using you, or whatever, and it won't matter. Because the original idea - that person is delightful - is still there. Of course, you'd rather that be the truth, so you're going to ignore how they've actually been acting and cling to the ghost idea of how they used to act.

When you have the option - two contradictory, but in your mind equal choices, despite all the evidence to the contrary, since the original neural pathway is still there - of course you're going to pick the original nice image of the person. Which means you'll then experience the 187th incident of being treated poorly by the "delightful" person who knows they can get away with treating you like garbage since you keep coming back for more.

I'm wondering if this is just a personal quirk of mine, or if it really is an avoidant trait. It seems like it locks in like a puzzle. But that doesn't mean much - I'm just one person. I don't think a poll would do it justice. So I'll just ask - does that seem like a feasible thing? Is it something that is exclusive to avoidants, or do you think everyone experiences the same thing, and I'm just blowing it out of proportion?