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SecretGarden said:
This is an IM relationship over about 4 years.

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What is an IM relationship? Do you mean Instant Messaging, as in an Internet friendship?

I tend to just let friendships die their natural course, which will happen if you don't put some effort and energy into them.

If you're talking about an online friendship, I sure can relate. I used to go several times a day to one very busy message board and was a mod there, for a couple of years. It took hours each day to keep up with the chatter. When I finally gave it up, it was so liberating! I kept some of my best online friends from the site and chat with them a couple of times a month or keep up with an occasional e-mail. That level of interaction seems to suit us right now.

Could it be you would want to resume this friendship in the future, SG, when you are in a different space? If so, maybe you don't need firm closure right now, but just a tailing off of interaction for the time being. That way it may not be so painful for both you and the other person.