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angelicgoldfish05 · Feb 07, 2015, 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShaggyChic_1201

Deja vu. Went to doctor, and despite telling nurse I wanted a blind weighing and even stood on scale backwards, the b*#ch told me my weight.

Freaked out at T's office. She reminded me of facts, like I had just gotten off an airplane and a bad illness has left me sedentary for 4 months - thus excusing the pounds I gained. (NOT underweight).

My panic hasn't abated. Since then, I have only eaten 'good' foods (very large doses of vegetables, some fruit, 10 almonds and 1 Greek yogurt/day.) I look forward to getting bloated so I want to eat less. Every time I am ready to eat, I say aloud that b/p is off the table, and I remain abstinent.

I only want to lose the gained weight, which I expect to be within 2-3 weeks. I will talk to T next time I see her in 2 weeks.

I'm still in the clear, right?

I loathe getting weighed at the doctors office. I always find out I weigh too much. I want to weigh less the next time I have to see her now just to prove I'm not too fat. I have never had a problem with not eating, I used to restrict and b/p. But I have taken b/p off the table too. I never want to go through that hell again. However, I am now just eating once a day. Trying to built up my "strength" and my "muscles" to do even less of that in the near future. It's not a problem yet, and I only plan to do it until Easter. I rationalize and tell myself it is for Lent, but it is really because I want to lose all this ******* weight. The weight feels like all the baggage from all the **** that has gone down in the past 2 years. And I'm done with it. I want it gone as soon as possible. If this means restricting so be it. I've never been ana and never been able to do that. So I am not really worried about it going too far or that happening.

Have you had major problems with this in the past? If so, it is a slippery slope and I do know the behaviors are addictive. I think it's great you have taken b/p off the table too.