I have been mad at my T, told her she sucks, picked her apart meaning telling her all the ways she doesn't care or is too tough. I have also told her I pick her apart and push her away to avoid being close to her. That it's hard to be close to her. That I'm scared she's going to hurt me.
She recently told me she's not going to abandon me, that I can't push her away, she won't push me away and I need to stay in therapy but she can't make me stay. It's helped with my trust issues but I still don't trust her 100%.
This week she pushed me hard and it's the first time I still feel connected and secure in between sessions. I think my trust is getting stronger and my attachment more secure. It feels so much better.