He didn't force me though. He just started and I just went along with it. Maybe I didn't try and stop him for fear that I couldn't. My boundaries have always been pretty bad. It is almost like I don't have a right to even know what I want, like if he wanted to do that, then that's all that is important. Give him what he wants. Maybe I don't even feel like my body is mine if that makes any sense. Do other people abandon or disown their own bodies?