Ah. I NEED TO LET THIS OUT. I took care of everything but now it is overwhelming me. It has been for the past few days.
The therapist I trusted, who cared for me. Ended up being an abuser. I don't mean verbally abusive. He was mentally, physically/sexually, and verbally/emotionally abusive. I trusted him. He pretty much abused me sexually with everything except penetrative intercourse. This was ongoing for 5 months... I HATE him so much for this. It has ruined my life and has given me the false perception of therapy. With my new therapist I feel weird sitting in the office because I always get scared that he would hit me, which he would have to remind me that he won't.
I would think of everything he has done to me out of nowhere. I would be happy, then I would go numb for a while. I would cry out of nowhere. I can't trust anyone anymore. He is married too.

Sometimes it gets overwhelming especially at night where I would have to text my current T and tell him how angry and overwhelmed I feel, which makes me feel like I am pushing him away or bothering him.

Who would've known somebody that I trusted, paid for, and who I thought "cared" about me would do such horrible things..

Sorry, I just needed to let this out.