hi ocellaris
if you get stabilized on meds and take them as directed then the cycles will stabilize and you wont have to deal with these mood swings anymore and that will take away all these feelings of guilt. i wish i had gotten control of my bipolar so early in life. seeing a therapist can help you gain the self esteem necessary to deal with these and other issues in your life. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome