Hello insertname: I'm so sorry to read of the difficulties you have endured. I'd like to send you a warm hug to buoy you. Without going into all of the sordid details, I'll just say that I do have some experience with complicated grief. In my case it has extended out literally over decades where, in your case, it sounds like it more-or-less hit you all at once & since then has reverberated down through the subsequent years.

I do think it is possible to heal. I've made 2 serious suicide attempts, the most recent just around 3 years ago, I guess it would be... maybe not even quite that... I've just tapered off of the maximum dosage of Duloxetine I was taking since my last suicide attempt. And, right now, I'd have to say I feel about as well as I've felt in quite some time. All of the grief is still there. It always will be. But it feels manageable (at least at the moment.) And, in a strange way, it feels as though this huge block of grief has, over time, become something of a cornerstone of the person I am now.

I won't get into listing the things that have helped me to get to the place where I am presently. What works for me may be of no consequence to you, at all. Each person must find her or his own path. But your path is out there. You just have to find it. My best wishes to you...