I am so confused.

My "negative feelngs" -- the anger, sadness, pain, fear -- I think they are from the little girl inside who was so abused and neglected. The little girl who was so alone. It is difficult for me to say that out loud.

My "positive feelings" -- the laugher, joy, sense of accomplishment and satisfaction--I think they are from the adult me, who can take some pride in her work and in the love of those around her.

So when I get angry at T--like I was after last week's session--who was angry? Who felt rejected and who felt like she was not listened to? My little girl?

Who wrote the letter to T that analyzed the session and told him the mistakes he made?
Who mailed that letter? Who is afraid of rejection? retribution? Who cries and screams inside my head?

Who wants to hurt herself at times? And who can sometimes pretend that self-harm never happened?

Who will go to therapy terrified tomorrow morning to face the music?

Ohhhhhhhh, why am I so split?