So I'm 8 days into quitting smoking, and have been following(ish) a plan that me and my pdoc and other support professionals have developed. I like lists a lot so I'm going to put this post in list form.

Things I am doing to get better:
- I've upped my meds to 900mg lithium and added 75mg effexer (sp?)
- I have been reviewing my DBT and CBT skills, as well as other tools.
- I have been trying to keep a schedule
- Attempted exercise as often as possible.
- I've been trying to keep my brain active with looking into things that interest me, as well as painting and drawing.
- Trying to eat healthy.

Things holding me back:
- Not having anything to do.
- Still having paid due to previous sports injury.
- No money (at all) for a swimsuit to do exercises that won't hurt my injury (although my mom said she'd buy me one soon).

And I'm worried because despite this:
- I have no energy
- I am always asleep or "not there"
- I'm almost always in pain (likely because of lack of exercise)
- I'm constantly forgetting things, including to put on my patch or take my meds on time. (although am apparently "too lazy to crave a smoke")

but mostly I DONT CARE!

My whole life there has been at least one thing that's gotten me through my worst depressions, and that's playing D&D with friends. Now it's the third time in a row I've gotten everyone upset at me because I can't get into it, and I end up walking off and sitting alone in my room leaving everyone worried and confused.

Since when have I given up on my passions to resign myself to loafting in the bedroom and existing. My fiancé is starting to think he's my butler.

Something needs to change but I don't even know where to start or how to talk to my friends.

That was mostly a rant and if you read it advice would be appreciated, or validation, or something... thanks.