I have to share this... I'm working hard to make sure I don't get really angry! There is a large thrift store near where we live. They sell all sorts of stuff donated by both individuals & retail companies. My wife likes to go there, so I've been going along mostly so she would have some company. In the process, I've found a few shirts I've bought... really cheap!

Well, as some may know, I've struggled with GID my entire life, along with depression, anxiety, etc. I just refused to give in to it outwardly, although in secret, I did all of the things we trannies do. Since my last serious suicide attempt, going on 3 years ago now, & in keeping with what my previous T suggested, I've been trying to do what I can to "feminize" my wardrobe a bit, while not actually buying & wearing women's clothes. I look for men's clothing that, to me, seems to have a bit more of a feminine appearance.

Today I found this shirt sort of thing. The body was a mesh sort-of material. The shoulders & short-sleeves were, I suppose, some kind of nylon material. It was the kind of thing that often has a team logo on it. But none had ever been put on this. It was a bright electric blue. (I'm fond of blue... as well as pink.) Anyway, I got the idea I'd buy it. Then I'd get a sleeveless teeshirt to wear underneath it. Cool...

My wife came strolling up, took one look at the shirt and said: "Oh, that's REALLY UGLY!" Then she thought a moment & commented perhaps she shouldn't have said that. Then she added: "But you usually have such good taste!" It was sort-of like that old chewing gum commercial: Two... two... two (put-downs) in one... ! Slam... bam...!

My wife doesn't want to have anything to do with my mental health concerns. She'll take me to my pdoc appointments & she's even been helpful here & there with helping me to acquire things that perhaps the average man wouldn't use (such as the messenger bag I carry which basically serves as a purse)... but that has the appearance of being completely manly (blacks, browns, grays & dark blues preferred). But she's not the least bit interested in talking about anything related to my mental health concerns in general or my GID in particular. It is the 800 pound gorilla in our living room (and elsewhere)... no question about it. But I understand her predilection & I abide by it. I call it our don't ask, don't tell policy. She doesn't ask, & I don't tell.

So, anyway, this incident with the shirt has just caused me to go ballistic (internally)! I'm working at maintaining mindfulness. I've hidden my true self for 66 years & I continue to do so. I don't expect it to ever be any different. But do I have to endure insults along the way as well? I know she didn't mean to insult me. She doesn't understand. Of course, there's no way she could because she doesn't want to hear about it. Now she says she feels badly. She's pouting. Suddenly, it's all about her... I've made her feel bad. Sometimes I just don't know... I'll get over it...