Hey everyone,

So I've noticed lately that everything I worked for seems to be slowly disappearing.

For the last 5 months or so I have been working so hard to get myself on a good track. For a good part of that, I was better than I had ever been.

Now I'm getting negative thoughts back and finding lack of motivation. I think I slipped into depression or am getting very close and I don't know how to stop it at all.

A lot of things that made me feel better were not going on Facebook a lot, not texting a lot, not checking my phone a lot, not expecting things, etc. Now I am increasingly doing all the things I don't want to be doing. I'm finding myself having thoughts like "they're not responding, so they don't like me or they just want me to be quiet." I keep having strong urges to login Facebook and whenever I do then I feel guilty and usually I feel like crap after logging off. Same thing, but not as intense, with tumblr. And now I am back to where I feel like I MUST have my phone near me at all times and check every couple of minutes to see if anyone texted me and then I feel upset if nobody did.

I also keep on going onto dating sites because I'm lonely. I want to go on some dates or just enjoy some company with someone special. Yeah, friends are good, but I just want to like kiss someone or cuddle with someone already. It's been over 5 months that I've been single now. But I don't feel good trying to look for that because I'm graduating in May and I don't know where I'm living. And then when nobody responds or contacts me I just get upset anyway.

I don't know what is going on. I worked so hard to try and get back to a good place and now I just feel like all the work I did is for nothing. It's like I have no control now. I'm so stressed and upset. And I don't want to do anything except for play games or watch movies. Not into my schoolwork...so much that it is actually painful and I have to force myself to complete it.

I have no idea how to kick the habits again. I want my thinking clear and not to think like nobody likes me or is annoyed with me. This doesn't feel good at all. I just want to be healthy and do what I'm supposed to do and enjoy some things when I can. I'm just lonely and my self esteem plummeted now and I think my friends know it because I feel like they can tell I changed a bit (I am more angry and I have told them several times I don't want to be around people).

Ugh. I'm sorry for complaining/venting/whatever. I don't know what to do. I feel so hopeless and upset about all of this. I tried so hard.