Hi there Massagegirl and welcome to Psych Central.

I think more young people than you think have individuation issues. You're aware of yours, and that's a good thing. I believe that you will find ways to develop your sense of core self.

IMHO, I don't think jumping into a new relationship is a good idea. By your own admission, you pick abusers and you are struggling to create a strong sense of self identity. Why don't you find out what YOU like before absorbing yourself into a new relationship? Our feelings for the other can be so strong, especially during that first burst of physical intimacy.