thanks, all

stopdog - i have noted that therapy is making it worse, and today i've just reinforced it again.

therapist seems to believe that the worsening is a result of talking about past trauma in childhood, which is what is often coming up for me, and which is what (i guess) is believed to be contributing to depression/self-sabotage kind of things

(and yes, the self-sabotage kind of thing makes the whole notion of it "getting worse" a little more complicated. as in: am i making it worse to try and prove something unconsciously?) i don't think i am. i don't know anymore.

its been 3 years. i've opened up parts of me i didn't know existed. i do not feel fuller or richer with insight. i feel shocked and ashamed...and alone.