(((Mary Alice)))

You're in a bad place right now, but that doesn't mean it will last forever. I don't mean to discount what you're feeling. I know it's really, really hard (and I know that's a major understatement). But it really won't last forever. You CAN get to a place where you don't have to rely on si, or at least where you don't have to rely on it as much as you are right now. You just have to hang in there.

It sounds to me like things went really well in your session! I think your T sounds like he's willing to work with you, much more than he was last time you posted!

One thing I wanted to say is that... I totally agree that your T was going about things all wrong. You know that. I also think that, from this post, it sounds like you're putting all the blame on him for your si. You know that's not how it works. He contributed, but he didn't put the cigs to your flesh. You made that choice. I hope that doesn't sound harsh, because I'm still totally behind you! I really am! I just think it's important for all of us, when we si, to remember that we do have a choice in it- even if it's hard to choose otherwise. I seriously don't put blame on anyone for si, though. So I hope you don't feel accused or judged. I would be a hypocrite if I did that, cause I have my own si history.

I just really hope things start getting better. Maybe it's still be hard for a while before it gets better, but I do believe things will get better for you. And I'm pulling for you!

(((hugs)))

Angela