Quote:
Originally Posted by growlithing
Your guess is as good as mine. I don't know why people are into what they are
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Quote:
Originally Posted by growlithing
So I come on PC drunk as I do often, I talk about sex as someone who is drunk frequently does, I mention BDSM, and people flip out.
For the record, I drank after the show, not out of sadness.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by growlithing
Please stop.
I appreciate that all of you are concerned for me. I've said time and time again that I do not want a trauma T right now. I said that I'm overwhelmed with my schedule and my life and the treatment I already have. One might argue that the best time to start therapy is when you're stressed out and really need it. Maybe that's true, maybe that isn't true. I'm telling you that I feel overwhelmed and that I do not feel ready to start confronting the trauma. That is a huge emotional commitment that I do not feel ready to give yet.
Anyone has all the right in the world to disagree with me and think that I'm making a huge mistake. Pointing out that what I'm saying is wrong or problematic is one thing. Ganging up on me and turning my threads about LCM into a "let's piss on growlithing's life choices" fest isn't appreciated nor is it working. I'm not going to be pressured into doing something I don't feel ready to do.
Yes, I was drunk and said weird ****. I am sorry for whomever I might have triggered in anyway with those posts. However, at least I posted here instead of messaging guys again. I think that's an improvement.
All I want is support. I actually do want criticism as well, however, at this point, it doesn't even feel like criticism. It feels like when your mother blames everything on being on the computer too long. "Mom, I'm tired" "shouldn't have been up all night on the computer". "Mom, my throat hurts" "it's that damn computer again". "PC, I miss LCM" "get a real T". "PC, LCM made me sad" "that's because she sucks and you need a trauma T". "PC, I'm drunk and horny" "none of this would happen if you had a trauma therapist"
Seriously
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People point things out (which you then interpret as ganging up) because it is like watching a car crash in slow motion.
Your father raped you.
You say time and time again that you are scared of sex.
Despite knowing that you have abuse in your background, and apparently having the insight to know that the idea of sex makes you afraid, you then protest that you seriously have no idea why you are 'into' being dehumanized by men, and are seriously considering sleeping with men who would almost certainly treat you like sh#t on their shoe.
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED A TRAUMA THERAPIST.
You don't seem capable of even discussing it, after stirring up people's emotions, people who identify all too well with your pain and distress and sorrow. We are not trained therapists - again, that's
exactly why you need a trauma therapist. You expect PC to be your therapist, over and over again, expecting unconditional positive support no matter what you say, getting obviously upset when people try to have a conversation with you about stuff that you bring to the table, and refusing to engage on an adult level.
I'm starting to think you do it for some kind of narcissistic supply, actually. It boils my piss. Not that you can help it, I know that. I expect it is unconscious.