> If he can take it, then we will have arrived at a new level of intimacy in the relationship.

yes. one needs to know whether it is safe to express ones feelings. one needs to assess (test) whether the therapist is capable of handling them (whether the therapist will be overwhelmed or not; whether the therapist will take them personally or not).

how can you show him your rage if he isn't capable of holding a little anger?

could you... tell him any of this? tell him what you think is going on? email him or write it down and give it to him?

could help the process along...

maybe.

(if it doesn't go well then... i understand the conclusion that 'not me, that is not me, they are not my feelings they aren't'. i think the splitting is about not being able to face those feelings as ones feelings. most often because... one needs to put those feelings aside in order to receive care. because... ones parents couldn't handle them. but of course the million dollar question is: can t handle them? if not... then what hope is there for me? such a risk...)