^Yes! That's really important. .

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles, @Mefisto. I could relate to it a lot, actually. I can't directly answer your question directly, as I'm not sure of it myself yet, but I think I can help by tackling things from an unexpected angle.

Have you ever thought about looking into how your personality works and learning about how several different personality types interacting with each other become involved in particular social dynamics? I'd personally recommend you look into look into a personality theory called Socionics, because I think it'd really help you develop an idea of who you are based on how you really work and not based on ideas of who other people think you are.

I've spent several years on it now and it does work as far as I can tell. It's helped me a lot, and I know you are capable of similar progress if your interested. To get started, you might like taking this test: Test Page Also, it might be helpful to look at this guys videos, as I've found them very helpful: The intro video's a little long and boring, but it really helps (at least for me, anyways) being able to watch videos and learn more visually.

Also, feel free to join the forum! I'm on it and I could help you find your type and learn more about it, if you'd like. Here it is: 16Types My username is Limitless and you can PM me if you ever decide to look into it.

Hope you're able to get to a better place in life and I'm rooting for you, since I know how terrible it can be sometimes .