hereiam I understand you also, I felt the same way when I was a child, my father getting home soooo drunk and yelling and hitting things, it was horrible be in bed scared of what he could do. That feelings are nothing we can express easily, they are burning inside of us, but some day they will go to let pass better feelings. Now I sometime think if I should talk to my father or help him, but I believe he choose that life and what could I do to change it. I don't even knowif I love him, I think I just ignore him and don't feel nothing for him, just pitty.
I am so sorry to read your pain, but at the same time happy that you are getting it out of yourself.
I give you all my support and think on you.
Love find you in the better way it could and be sure you will get thru.
Love
Jose