I'm really sorry you had to go through that. I can also relate. My dad died 13 years ago. I blamed him for a lot of things and took out my anger on him. I felt guilty about not talking to him more and trying to understand everything that had happened. I found out a few years ago that the things I blamed him for were not actually true/or his fault. I felt even worse about how I acted when I realized the truth.
Therapy helped me realize that I'm only human and dealing with a situation that I didn't ask for, the only way I knew how at the time. I also found that writing him letters after he died also helped me; I burned some, left some at his grave, and still have some.