Anyone would be afraid taking a big step like this one. I know that is pretty trivial because you have some very valid reasons for things that most people wouldn't even think of having to deal with when going on a trip. I only mean to point out that fear for this is normal for everyone and it is really amplifying the fears you already deal with daily.

Actually I don't know what my point is.

Mostly just want to offer support for your trip, I know how incredibly challenging and frightening it must be, but like Ozzie says don't let that overwhelm you and keep you from the positive posibilities that this trip may provide.

I know there are a ton of positive aspects to this but one thing in particular hit home with me: "my first real trip without my parents" I know you have shared very emotional stories about your parents, and doing this may be a very freeing experience. In some posts you have expressed how tied to them you still feel in many ways, at the same time realizing how abusive they were. Maybe this trip can be "symbolic" in some way of loosening those ties a bit more... you already have done a lot of that already you know...

I hope that for whatever fears you have, at the end of the trip you will be glad that you had gone. And don't worry about losing your mind, we will find it for you, feed it, and keep it safe until your return. That is what we are here for .