You are totally right innerzone, I havent showered in 3 days, and there are 3 days worth of rubbish and dishes around. If I cant cope with this, how will I cope with the holiday?

My partner is so excited for the time off. He says he totally supports my decision to go to hospital if thats what I think I need. But he would be disappointed. As would the bride, I've seen how much effort she's put in to this. I really do want to go to the wedding and celebrations and go back to that town and have a ball but realistically I see it being very anxiety provoking and there will be a lot of faking it on my part (which my partner sees right though and then his mood gets affected). THats if I make it through without the daily crying spells...

My friend made lunch for me and we played a board game. Life seemed not so bad for a few hours but now all the pressure of what I *should* have been doing or done today has rolled on back. And now also I am alone. I expect my partner soon but I am so ashamed of the state of the house, he will help but I hate that he thinks he is my butler. Thats kinda why I want to be taken out of his hands, I am not capable of caring for myself.

I just keep thinking 2 more nights and we'll be down south stress free... but will I really be stress free? Cos there aint no way any of my needs are getting done in my current state. And if I dont take this work and uni opportunity I am in the crap. And I 'll have to be social with family and with people down there. It all does seem like a big stressful event now I think about it.

Everyone I talk to about it says its up to me. But I have had a lot of people cautioning that weddings are important events and not to be missed. Im so torn.