Hi. I was lucky to come across this forum while I was fueling the hypochondriac in me. I've never been to a psychologist nor have I had any therapy but I'm afraid that I may need to soon. This is difficult, to write out to strangers such things that I haven't even told the people closest to me but you seem like a kind group of people based on what I have read.
I have always been a worrier, I started getting anxiety pains when I was in grade school and for the longest time I was convinced that I was dying. I'm still here though and I found out that my mother had the same thing so this does run in the family. To say that I over-react to things is an understatement, I blow things way out of proportion and over-analyze to the smallest detail. I'll worry over a spec of dust on the floor that was just vaccuumed ect... and this has become progressivly worse but I've always had some sort of control over my mind. It's just lately, since last week actually, that it's getting to the point where I'm afraid that I really be be loosing it. I had a headache ( which is no big deal especially since I had not eaten much that day ). I am a hypochondriac and every time I have even a minor physical aliment I assume the worst, but this time I couldn't shake off the feeling of dread the way I was able to always do before. When I got home from work I took something for the headache and it went away but my unsetteled feelings didn't. That whole evening I felt the way someone does when they are coming down with the flu or a fever. I felt shakey and cold and my mind wouldn't let me rest. It was as though it was on over-drive and it was analyzing the silliest things even in tv commercials. All I could think about was how lucky all those people were who seemed so normal and happy and I tried to get my mind back to that place as well. I think what made it worse was the fact that I was so scared about what was going on and this horrible fear only added to the restlessness in my mind, sort of a vicious circle. I was terrifed. I felt as though nothing would ever be the same again. Thankfully things calmed down until today. Though this whole week I've been on edge wondering when and where this feeling would emerge again. Today what set me off was a pain in one of my teeth. Something so minute but it was like a snowball which kept getting larger and larger the more I thought about it until I was convinced that something terrible was wrong with me and I went through dramatic scenarios with my imagination. Again the shakes came and I lost my appetite though my stomach was hungry. I apologize if this doesn't make sense, it's very difficult to explain and I've never told anyone about how tense and nervous I always have been. It's always something that I could gain control of but if it continues like this then I don't know what to do. I'm so good at appearing happy and calm that this would shock some people but it also makes me wonder that if I can put up such an act, how many others may be suffering silently? The mind ( especially when you have a poweful imagination like me ) is so powerful. I think that if I could just find a way to remind myself that I'm over-reacting then it would be alright. But when I get this anxiety attacks ( if that is what they are ) I feel that nothing can calm things down except to wait it out.
Thank you for reading this, I didn't mean for it to be so long. I do feel a bit better for having it out as though the pressure has been relieved. I look forward to talking things out like this and trying to help when I can as well. I'm so glad for having a sense of humor and it's good to see that a lot of you have one here as well.