he is definitely respectful, and it is clear to me that he takes his job seriously and that he works hard to do a good job. He wants to help me and poor bugger actually seem to think he can. But he doesn't know me well enough yet. It does demonstrate care, as in "take care to be respectful" sure.

>> One problem i have is that i do not cry in front of people. i do not outwardly display many emotions.

>how come?
do you become aware of an emotion and then swiftly block / supress / mute it?
quickly... quickly before he sees?

no,I don't feel there is emotional content to most of what I say, even when I think there ought to be. I am disconnected from that. I should have rephrased what I said.. I don't display negative emotions much, especially sad or hurt..oh, and anger, definitely anger. Those only happen when I am otherwise stressed beyond limits and then they come out of the blue.

> >But if you scream inside then you get advice.

>do you mean that if you manage to prevent their being aware of your emotional state then they interact with you on a more 'rational' level?

yes, that's it exactly. I am unable to relay the feelings for various reasons, one being disconnect and another just the sheer inability to display that in front of him. I have told him that if I were sitting there sobbing his approach would be different... anyone's would be. Empathy is highly activated by the affect of the other. If one has difficulty is demonstrating pain then one gets the more rational response rather than the emotional one which may be needed.

>that you feel a bit of the pain and your therapist... Picks up on your experience of pain and feels pain too... That feeling of emotional attunement / connection...

that would be monumental. I have no expectations of that though. I have explained to him how I am and how I am unable to just cry when I tell him something sad, etc... there really isn't any cue for him to pick up on and so he would have to be a mind reader.

He's a nice guy. I like him and he's funny. I think he has the idea that he will be able to get behind the walls and show me he cares somehow, or that I will be able to give him outward cues to my emotional state. I have no visualization of that, no reference point on which to contemplate.

The more time I spend thinking about working in therapy the more I feel I am not a good candidate for it... that's what they say right? That some people are not? I have repeatable problems in my life, some past crap, and some difficulties in my relationships - I am a social dork. I thought therapy would help, but I am thinking the very nature of my probs make it unlikely that therapy can help. If I am unable to bond with him then there is no tool for working.... isn't that it? In schema especially pretty much everything depends on the relationship and that damned ellusive trust.

maybe I should save myself the $140/hr and spend $29.95 on a Dr Phil book or something.