hi i relate a lot re the catholic upbringing---hell,damnation even at 51 i still struggle with a loving god ,at times i completely reject it others i don't think i would have made it this far. my lack of self forgiveness combined with strict parents was a fertile bed for guilt and shame ,i have to constantly battle with myself on guilt and feeling good about myself,i'm sure now a loving god wouldn't want that for me.higher power and answers? not sure on that one i saw my aunt 77 yesterday in hospital she had tried to take her life , a thoroughly good woman suffered depression/anxiety most of her life a deeply religious woman she pleaded with me why god wasn't answering her prayers, i felt totally inadequate and could only reply god listens but you don't always get an answer, the book 'when bad things happens to good people' may be useful in different ideas about god, regards jeff