I am having trouble accessing feelings in therapy.

T says I am defending against the feelings in therapy ....that it is very normal and not a bad coping mechanism ...but then I feel bad about not being able to access them.

I asked her if she could provoke those feelings in me, and she joked, "Well, I can poke you with my cane." Lol

She suggested I start a feeling journal. I guess that will cut down on the emails I send her.
That was last week, and I just have one entry.

I guess we will process the journal in therapy. Maybe that will help me.

I have had this impression that if I emote strong feelings with T, that my depression will decrease. Maybe that's not how it works?

Do you/have you kept a feeling journal and did that help you process issues? Did you end up feeling better?