AllHeart, thank you, your post touched me. I have never slept real well. Especially when Im not at home. So to fall asleep there (as dead tired as I was) amazed me. And to fall asleep on her, even moreso. I DO feel very vulnerable...but I do feel safe with her, if that makes any sense.

BTW, as far as the expensive nap, my insurance pays for my therapy. May as well use it as well as I can, since we have to pay $150 a week for it. It's good insurance, just expensive. I could see T every single day, and they'd cover it. There is no limit.

She wants me to cry. She's always talking about the benefits of crying.... and for the most part, IF I cry at all, it's a few sobs in her office. But I'm always ashamed, and turn away from her. I mean, back facing her, whole nine yards.

I grew up in a home where it wasn't ok to cry. "keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about" is what I heard daily. So I can cry if I choose to let myself (which I don't), but in front of others I have a hard time.

She spent months getting me to this point. I used to shake uncontrollably, Even my hair would shake, to keep me from crying....that's how hard I fought it. Now, the tears come. I still shake and try to fight it, but it's feeling more comfortable now because I'm being encouraged to do so, not ridiculed. I'm thankful I have the kind of T who will come sit by me and hold me while I cry. I longed for that a lifetime ago.... first to have permission to cry, then to have someone support me while I did. It surprised the heck out of me when she did it the first time. I sort of initiated it, I asked her if she could come sit by me, or if that was "against the rules." She said "I was just going to." She wishes I would cry more.... but it's all I got. Unless I absolutely lose it at the wrong time, I never cry in front of anyone. Except her now. I do feel safe, comfortable and trusting of my T. Almost to a fault. I don't know exactly how she felt about my falling asleep.... at the end of the session she was waking me up, and I heard her say "you fell asleep!" Then went on to lecture me about how "you need more sleep, my dear! Please try to get some sleep tonight." Hey, I got 4.5 hours...which is making progress!