Hi Worrier,

I'm sorry that you happened to choke while under that mask. Not exactly the place you want to be. When I was about 3 years old, I was an emergency and they put the black rubber mask on my face. I remember smelling rubber and some other odor. THEN....it felt like I was suffocating. Being only 3, I didn't understand a thing and I thought I couldn't breathe. They were all holding me down as I was fighting because I thought I was dying. I'm 42 years old now, and I *still* remember that event....even can smell the rubber and gas. It doesn't scare me anymore, but I would NEVER EVER want to be put to sleep in that manner again. I would have a panic attack!

My 15-year old daughter just had surgery this month, and they used the mask until she was out...then put in the IV. She didn't mention "choking" (although that could have been your form of feeling like you were suffocating), but she said that she felt like she was suffocating, then she was watching herself from a different view and felt completely outside her body. They'd ask her questions, and she couldn't tell if she was moving her lips when she was responding. And then she was out.

The scariest part for her was the suffocating, but then she talked herself through it because she thought she might panic. She thought, "Well, I can't be suffocating because I'm still breathing."

Maybe the choking was your way of trying to get air into your lungs when you "thought" you were suffocating. You'll probably always remember it (I certainly remember mine from when I was 3), but it just isn't scary when you realize that nothing really did happen. And seeing from outside your body....that's exactly what my daughter described too. Drugs are WEIRD.

I hope you begin to feel better about the whole experience. The choking didn't cause the inability to breathe (you *were* breathing)....it's just how that darn drug works. I was shocked that it was still used because my emergency surgery was in the 60's. It just seems like an inhumane way to put someone to sleep, especially with the IV available. Couldn't they just knock us out with the IV first, and then use the mask if needed??

Take care of yourself.

God bless,
Sandy