I really don't know how to feel, I was physically shaking, we talked for twenty minutes but I spent most of that trying not to hyperventilate. I think I managed to splutter out a couple of things about the positive ways he has impacted my life but it was probably the hardest conversation I have ever had to have. I asked if we could meet and have a proper termination session, and he is going to phone me tomorrow to arrange a date next week. I'm hoping that will give me time to collect my thoughts and properly verbalise what he means to me and why I feel I have to move on.
I am so so sad about this. I f-ing love him and I have to let him go. It's not just an ending for now, it's for the rest of my life. That's huge, almost too huge to get my head round. This feels like such a huge decision; am I even capable of making such a huge decision?
I just feel the same numbness I felt right after bereavements in my life. Does this mean the grieving is to come? I wonder what he thinks about the call. He asked me twice whether I have seen another T.