I have had to be totally honest with myself and admit that all my reasons for going back to him relate to the fact that I love him and I miss him, and not the therapeutic benefit.
I don't think he can help me going forward with my issues and I'm finding that I am consumed with my feelings for him and that is blocking progress. That's not to take anything away from what I have achieved with him, which has been life changing.
Since I have started seeing T2 I have felt emotionally stronger and coping week to week and I am starting to feel some trust building.
If I go back to T1 there is a danger of it becoming more like a paid friendship and I can't let that happen. It is a huge loss for me but I have to protect myself.