Heyjoe, Thanks for your post.

Yes I know about the letters and phone calls. Both my pdoc and T have stepped up for me. But down in the very very fine print of med. insurance policies is this thing called "life time limit" (not sure those are the exact words). In both cases I would exceed my life time limit. That means as long as I pop pills, go to regular therapy sessions, and even visit the phsyc hospital ocassionally (for stablization) they pay their share. Anything that might really help the patient, screw it!

The fact that I would hurt people I care deeply about and who really care about me weighs heavily on my soul. I quess I'm just being selfish and selfcentered but I hurt. A deep down gut wrenching kind of pain that never stops and I'm weak. I just can't take any more.
Thanks for listening.