My cousin committed suicide less then a year ago and I was devasted to hear what had happened. I'll never forget when my sister and father came to school to check me out spontaneously. I knew something wasn't right so I asked my sister why they checked me out (I was driving and she was in the passenger side. My dad was driving the truck back) and she said for me to pull over and let her drive. So I did and she told me the news and like you I was devasted, but since it happened I got better and better but lately over the passing months it's really starting sink in. It makes my body just feel weak knowing I'll never see and talk to him again. He was 15 and I was 16 at the time. I'll Never make memories with him nor grow up together. I'll never be able to play video games or take road trips together. I won't be able to see him get married and see his first child. He will not be my best man at my wedding. He was So young and one of the nicest people you could meet. I guess I came here to just vent since someon else has experienced it. I have thought about suicide before his death and I have a lot since he has. I know I couldn't do that to my family but it's so strange to think that we could make ourselves leave this world any minute. I like to believe that God is their with his hand out for us. But the thought that maybe their isn't anything there trips me out. If you don't mind me asking what are your thoughts on heaven? Do you think their is one? I have so many questions about this life I was givin. Thanks