Hey there,
I'm new here and all... English isn't my first language so I apologize.
I've been looking for a c-ptsd forum/group for a while now and this is the first active one I've found so far.
It's comforting, in a way, to know that there are people out there who are experiencing the same things as I am.
I'm a bit scared of writing anything about myself, I've gotten so used to protecting myself and my family that it almost feels like betrayal.
It's strange, growing up in home that means so much to you, yet is a part of the reason I am the way that I am.
I'm 30 years old. I've been in therapy since the age of 15, and dealing with the outcome of childhood sexual abuse, emotional abuse and abandonment.
For the last few months I've been going through a more trauma-oriented therapy, a new form of CBT.
I've also been to some EMDR sessions in the past.
The therapy is taking everything out of me at the moment... but it's also helpful.
I'm learning to face and admit to myself and others things I used to keep bottled up inside or weren't even really aware of.
I'm learning to recognize and understand my shame and my guilt, I'm learning to be angry at other people but myself...
But like I said, it's a lot of work so...
I have periods of depression and social anxiety. I'm becoming more avoidant again, like I always do when I'm feeling overwhelmed.
Hopefully I'd be able to feel safe here.
It's still hard... writing this. It's hard loving my family so much, yet needing someone who understands how complex it gets... inside my head.