Ironman1-8, I am so very sorry to hear about your cousins passing. He is in a much more peaceful place than we have on earth. You speak as if you are a much older mature person. I am touched by your words of missing him. I am a believer in my higher power and I very much believe in heaven. I lost my nephew to suicide and it was so shocking that I was not going to be able to see him grow up and have a family. He was 19. I understand your questions about life and death. Just know that we all have a certain time on this earth. It isn't really up to us. I am with you and I'll pray for your understanding of this as it will take some time. Blessings my dear.

btw, Welcome to PC.

We are so glad that you are here and you decided to join a great community of supportive people.

This forum may be of interest.

Grief and Loss - Forums at Psych Central

We also have a teens forum and a teen support group. Check out the community calendar for weekly events. It takes a little while for your first 5 posts to appear as they are first in moderation. If you have any questions we are here for you. Contact any community liaison or moderator.

Best wishes here at PC and hang in there and keep reaching out as you will get much support here.