Hey there--I am sorry you had such a rough time yesterday. I deal with self-hatred issues too and know how overwhelming it can be. Maybe try to give yourself a break--dealing with 6 year olds is hard for lots of people! And sometimes as the "nice grandma" it can be hard to also be the disciplinarian. Could you call your son and just have a chat? Maybe he can talk to his kids about minding you and you all can discuss boundaries for disciplining them together. You can reiterate that you want to watch them (if you do) but that there just needs to be some sort of system in place. If you don't do this, it is likely the kids will keep pushing the limits to see what they can get away with-- leading to more stress and anxiety for you. Hope you are feeling better today. Hugs to you