Last night I had a dream that I was manic and had decided to meet some friends who were touring the country with a school singing group. I am originally from Pennsylvania and most of my family lives there, so I had timed my flight to meet the friends when they were also in Pennsylvania so I could go and be with my family too. Unfortunately I met them when they were on the other side of the state from where I lived, so I was still about four hours away from where I wanted to be. I didn't bring any money or my ID with me (don't know how I would have managed that) and the group my friends were with kept moving to different cities each day, so I felt kind of stuck in the middle of nowhere. I didn't really know where I was so I wasn't sure how/was too embarrassed to ask my family in PA to come and get me. Even though my friends were travelling with a group, they were still paying for their food and other necessities out of pocket, and although one of my friends paid for my dinner the first night I was there, he told me he didn't have enough to cover much more than what he needed for himself. So I had no way to keep travelling with them without starving and I didn't have a way to get back home to my husband and my life.

The dream was really fragmented and now that I am awake, I realize that it doesn't make much sense, but while I was asleep it was really terrifying. I knew I was having trouble thinking for myself and making reasonable decisions and it felt exactly how I felt when I really was manic and psychotic last year. I just felt really out of control until I ended up in the hospital. I was losing important things that I needed to keep track of.

Now that I am awake I have been feeling anxious all morning. I hope I can calm down because I have to go to work in a few minutes and deal with a lot of people I don't know.