Quote:
Originally Posted by SnakeCharmer
Scarlet, I may be way off base here and please correct me if I have things wrong. To me, your situation seems way more complex than just being referred to DBT because it might be good for you.
You have a larger life goal that you've been working on -- to become a mother. You wanted the support and help of your T and Pdoc in order to get some fertility help. They were still a little hesitant at the most recent discussion of this. I got the impression (which may be wrong) that going to DBT and your fiance going to therapy was all part of the effort to get their support for fertility help.
If I'm off base, please set me straight. If my impression is correct, then I say just go with the flow, take the class, see what they have to teach, take what's good and leave the rest behind.
For you, going to a DBT group is a Really Big Deal because you have trouble with agoraphobia and the group is held at the county, where there are some bad memories for you. So this is all Big Steps and those steps are really important because when you're a mom, you may find yourself in situations over which you have no control -- well-baby clinics and school and activities.
Being a mom throws us into all sorts of situations we'd prefer not to do. That's just the way it is. We end up doing it for the kid. Because we love them.
If you can do this very difficult thing of getting beyond your agoraphobia and your dislike of the county and doing this group, even if you don't much care for how they run it, then, IMO, you're making good steps toward your larger goal.
If I'm way off base here, please let me know. I may have confused a couple of things that came about close together in time, but aren't related.
I wish you the best and just want you to know I'm really impressed that you've gone to group because it's pushing beyond your phobia. It's like me skydiving (my phobia is falling from a height.) Scary! It would have to be for a very important reason, like saving a life or curing cancer or bringing a new life into the world. I'd do it then. But I'd probably have to wear an adult diaper out of sheer terror. You're doing a really scary thing. And managing to keep your wits about you at the same time. If this is about the larger goal, going with the flow may be in your best interest at this time. It's about so much more than just DBT.
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You are 100% correct. I am doing this to help me towards my goal of becoming a mother. I am in DBT. My fiance starts his therapy next week!
Here's my one concern: I want (maybe need?) to learn the actual skills so I can cope better with parenting. I don't think I've mentioned it before, but I'm going to have 90% of the responsibility of parenting. Meaning: my fiance has a physical disability that limis how much he can do. I will deal with 90% of the nights, feeding, crying, etc. I will probably have to do 100% of the diaper changing. And then I have to be aware of my fiance's emotional state (which he is going to be working on), my mental health issues, etc. I will basically be a single parent. I will have support, but it will be my responsibility to parent this child.
So I need all the skills I can get!
Btw, if anyone knows of any books that deal with how to parent when you have a mental illness, I would appreciate any suggestions. My T wanted me to find a book and I haven't had any success. Least not cheap, non-assessment books.
But I do agree that no matter what, I need to stick it out with the group whether they change or not. It will help with the agoraphobia (and is...I actually said 2 sentences last week
). And it does force me to cope with my extreme anxiety... and now how to cope with situations I didn't plan for.
I just wish I had money... I know about the group my T really wants me to go to, and they're the real deal. And I already know they would let me keep my T and Pdoc. Poor T though...she'd have to be on call 24/7. But she actually agreed to if I went to that group
She must really trust me...lol.
Anyways, that's the situation. I guess I'm just frustrated because this was supposed to be more than what it is. I was supposed to get more skills. I can say this though.... I would rather deal with this frustration than have to deal with that anxiety I felt leading up to starting the group
.