Quote:
Originally Posted by coconut64
I can't go through this again. I'm never going to let another human being hurt me again physically, sexually, or psychologically. My father did that and my mother did nothing to help me. I now know that these wounds will never heal and that their weight is something I must carry for the rest of my life. I can only depend on myself and I must protect me since no one else will.
I admire you because I just cannot go back. My ex-t came highly recommended, he is a psychoanalyst and especializes in trauma. He couldn't have a better resume. I'm more broken now than when I started. All therapy has done for me is breaking the last of me and leaving me shattered. There are no more pieces to put back together, there is no more hope, no more wishing. Just surviving and fighting to stay alive.
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My first therapist definitely left me worse off than I began. Though I could argue that I was already pretty hurt deep inside and all that therapist did was bring it all to the surface. I wasn't living fully to begin with.
The danger with therapists (for some of us) is that we let them into a vulnerable space in our lives, which gives them the power to hurt us pretty deeply.
But that's true of all people whom we let in - friends, lovers, teachers, even our children.
The hope is that we risk getting hurt for the chance that maybe we won't get hurt, and maybe we'll be fulfilled or healed instead.
It'd be a huge risk for you to try to connect with someone (a therapist might be a good place to start but therapists are just people, too), but it might be worth the risk.
I mean, you've already been hurt. Been there. Done that. You survived and are still surviving.
So, maybe you'll get hurt again, or maybe you won't. Maybe you'll get healed. That's the wild card unknown that would drive you to take a risk.
Could you get a doggy companion? Dogs are awesome and don't hurt us like humans do. The next step after that would be trying to connect with a human being.
