It's just too much of this ****. I know it's not even enough for me to react like this, but besides my parents, no one would get hurt, i've got only two friends, none of them want to talk to me or hang out with me, i've got a boyfriend, actually he is who keeps me going, but he deserves so much better, he'd be better off without me. My parents wouldn't have to spend that much money on my education, which is going to be for nothing, i mean, i'm still a straight A student, but i'm not putting any more effort, i'm getting lost into this hell and pain inside that i have and i haven't got enough sleep to think properly, but somehow, it still works. I don't deserve anything that i've got, i'm just a bad person, i don't deserve to be still here, waste their food, money and time. I don't know what to do. 15 days to my next psychiatrist appointment, and i don't even want to go, it's just pointless. Nothing seems to work on the inside but people think it actually works. I'm also tired of "acting happy" but that's the only way i've got to be alone. I want to be accepted, but i also want to be special and i also don't want to be noticed because i fear betrayal. There's just not much of an option out there. (Sorry if my tiny problems offended you, i'm just the typical middle-class whiny girl)

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