So my mom called me and said I think you're manic for the following reasons: you called me talking really fast and laughing, you're drinking again, and you're been spending more money and you're just not yourself. So I truly evaluated what she said and I realized now that she is right. I took a video of myself and I am manic again! Oh my God! The thing is that I love this feeling. I've been going out all the time with all these different people, drinking and making bad decisions and spending money and I was still taking my same meds that were working before. The lithium was working and I was stable and then all the sudden here I am listening to electronic music on a Wednesday about to go downtown after drinking to drink more and it's never enough. I can't slow down and it feels so good. It's crazy and I know it is but I can't make it slow down. I see the doctor next week on Wed. I just hope I don't mess anything up too bad before then. I've already locked myself out of my apt. and lost my car and I'm just a mess in general but trying hard to keep in control. I love you guys. I LOVE EVERYONE. Hahaha. wow. How did I get here? You know? I did what I was supposed to. It just never stops. The madness of bipolar. You've gotta love it. Electric right now. So far up.