My ex t has returned this week from his 5 month travel. I have had his blog to read daily. He plans to do one more post to reflect on what it all means to him. I await. At the same time I need to reflect on what his retirement and time away has meant to me. Its been a time of near constant grief over him. So many tears. So many nights of crying out his name. I only cry once in a while now. So im better. I think his being away was ultimately good for me. If I knew he was kicking around town. I might have tried to contact him too often. Even though I have transitioned to a new counselor. My grief is not for loosing him as my therapist. It has been loosing him as someone I love.
Now that he is back I have to be strong and wait for him to contact me. I dont think I can hold out for that to happen. I long to hear his voice.
I don't know what to expect from him. We planned to stay in contact after he returned. Now his daily blog is gone. And that connection to him severed. Will it be days. Weeks. Months. What kind of relationship can we have? I cant be his patient. Cant truly be a friend. I just hope he doesn't make me wait too long and stir up my grief and loneliness.