mutate9602, Hello and welcome to PC. I am so sorry that you had to endure so much. This was not your fault. You didn't deserve this. I feel that the best way to work through this kind of pain and abuse is with a therapist. This kind of pain is so deep rooted and it needs to be addressed so you won't have to keep feeling shame and guilt. It does get better but it takes time. I hope that you seek professional help for this. I really feel for you.

The community liaisons and moderators are here for you in case you need help in navigating this site. I really wish you the very best.