I am sorry for your grief. That is a lot to lose so it is totally understandable that you are grieving. I fell from a much lower position in the workplace due to physical and mental illness and struggled with deep grief so I can only imagine how hurt you must be. Did it help to write this post? Writing has certainly helped me vent my grief. Do you have any idea on what path is ahead of you yet? Any hope? You seem like a very strong and caring person through your posts. I really don' know what to say outside I hear you a hurting and really wish you well. You have lost a great deal. It will take some time to recover in any significant way but you seem like the sort of person who will make it. Hang in there and keep writing to us.